You might be a Redneck, if...

•You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

•You think Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.

•You think subdivision is part of a math problem.

•You have ever committed a crime with a lawnmower.

•You take a load of trash to the dump, and bring home more than you took.

•You think fast food is hitting a possum at 75 mph.

It seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor fit him with a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

A month went by and the elderly gentleman returned to visit the doctor. After a quick checkup, the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"